awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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