so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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