he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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