you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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