I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your penis caused this!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize