just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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