I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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