i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
the raccoons are back...
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