woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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