just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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