you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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