if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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