I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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