Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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