He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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