Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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