Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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