I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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