do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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