the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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