How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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