i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize