do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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