chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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