i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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