i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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