Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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