wat bout pragnant strippers??
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was CRYING into my vagina
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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