I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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