so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to calm my uterus...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize