if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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