I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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