Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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