we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize