I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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