And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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