Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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