dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can text with my tongue
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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