Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize