i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize