the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize