once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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