Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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