the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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