we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize