4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize