Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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