It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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