How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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