I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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